Training around in Central Asia

Ben Crowley

May 3, 2022

I'm sure there is some old saying, something along the lines of “to catch a train is to see into the soul of a people”. It's probably not really true, but you certainly do get some interesting experiences and meet some of the truly weird and wonderful along the way when travelling on long distance passenger trains.

Travelling by train through Central Asia brings its own unique experiences as well as reinforcing some universal truths. There will always be someone sitting near you who is the polar opposite temperature to you – if you're hot, they're freezing cold and if you're cold, then they seem to want the air conditioner on full blast. That’s probably the most universal train issue of all.

One myth that I think may be unique to Central Asia (although I’m waiting to be proved wrong) is the idea that moving air will make you sick. Therefore it's usually a tough battle to get a window open if you need some fresh air in the stuffy small sleeper compartments of an overnight train. Even when it’s over 40 degrees and we’re talking about tiny windows.

Some countries like Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan don't charge for sheets, blankets and pillows, but in Turkmenistan they still do (a hangover from Soviet times), although I'm not sure whether that's an official charge of just a way for the conductor to get some extra pocket money. Of course if you want bedding to get a good night’s sleep, you're not going to spend the train ride trying to argue whether it's a legitimate payment or not.

You're probably thinking to yourself, a few drinks and you'll be happy to sleep on anything, but that's where you're wrong. Drinking on trains in Turkmenistan is illegal. However, at the same time as you're paying for your bedding, you can also request (albeit in a quieter voice) to pay the drinking fee. Sometimes though the second fee needs to be paid multiple times, as I once found out the hard way.

Having gotten on to the train from Ashgabat to Turkmenbashy, I immediately proceeded to the conductor’s room to get our bedding so we could settle in. I then inquired as to the possibility of having a few nightcaps in our cabins to which he explained he was busy and would come and speak to us once the train got moving. As soon as the wheels were rolling, he was back to negotiate and we came to a deal – around $3, really not much at all. However, it was after about 4 hours of a 12-hour journey, that he came back to our cabin to explain he was finishing his shift and changing at the next station, with the next gentleman to take up the role, taking us through to the final terminal. That of course meant that a new negotiation had to be entered into.

I explained that I thought it only fair he received the same amount as his fellow conductor, to which is countered the time difference. Very smart, since less than a third of the trip had expired! When I pointed out though that since it was already 11pm and we'd only have an hour or two left in us, he relented. All part of the experience!

Then there are the things that are the same throughout much of the world. There's always going to be someone near you with too many bags, someone who must be moving house they've got that much stuff. And strangely for someone who has that much stuff, it's odd he thought it was smart to just tape up plastic bags to create a larger bag.

Then there is the staple food – boiled eggs, cheese, strangely coloured pinkish meats, tough bread and stale pastries. Then there's the not so common foods, items like melon. I don't mean a few small pieces of melon cut up in a Tupperware container. I mean a whole melon, the size of a microwave, being cut up by the family you're sharing a sleeping area with, getting juice and pips everywhere and definitely not leaving enough space on the tiny “table” in the middle of the cabin for you to place even a cup. It also wouldn't be Central Asia without horse and camel milk and dried hard fermented salty yoghurt balls called Kurt.

One such occasion of getting to drink horse milk and eat some Kurt was in Uzbekistan. Having just crossed the border from Afghanistan, I was in Termiz to catch a 14-hour long train up to Tashkent. I had just been with a couple of people in Afghanistan who had had some sort of stomach bug. I thought I'd gotten away without catching it, only to learn it was going to kick in that afternoon while sitting on the train. Something that is actually quite unusual for Uzbekistan is how old and utterly rubbish this train was. Uzbekistan after all has a fast train like those in Japan and their slower trains are usually quite modern and comfortable. Well, this was slow and uncomfortable and had squat toilets and worst of all, the air-conditioner didn’t work, with the thermometer inside the carriage showing 57 degrees on a 45 degree day outside. Well I started chucking up inside our cabin, and as this happened the train conductor came out of nowhere and pulled me to his private toilet, unlocked it and shoved me in, letting me be sick in there.

At first I thought he must have been doing this to limit the damage to his wagon of the train. That was, until he explained I could take my clothes off in there so as not to get sick on them. He then brought a hose to connect to the tap to make a shower of sorts, insisting I have a shower to feel cooler with just cold water. After showering and drying up I returned to my own compartment to find he had cleaned it for me and brought me some water to drink. Well, despite the still uncomfortable conditions, just the generosity alone is enough to make you feel better. We then got to a stop which was 20 minutes long, with everyone jumping off the train to escape its oppressive conditions to the relative coolness of outside. So I ventured off the train to see the conductor running off in the distance, only to return with horse milk, kurt, coca cola, water and ibuprofen. He explained the horse milk would settle the stomach, the kurt being salty and full of minerals would help water retention to stop dehydration, the sugary coke a good kick and the ibuprofen to help the body pains etc. How amazing was that? Not just a conductor, but an amateur doctor as well!!!

Of course, every journey comes to an end in roughly the same fashion, slowing down to reach your final destination before pulling up at the platform. The slow shuffle down the aisle with your bags, and exiting the station only to be met by some of the finest people on earth. Taxi drivers. But that’s another story.